Why You Turn Into a Bear Fresh From Hibernation Every Evening
You know that moment when your hand is already on the cabinet handle and you’re not even sure how you got there?
Not the “I skipped lunch and now I’m starving” kind of reaching. The other kind. The prowling-the-kitchen-like-you’re-hunting-for-prey kind.
The “I feel terrible so I’m going to make it worse” kind.
For years I thought that was a willpower problem. A discipline issue. Proof I was fundamentally broken around food.
Took me way too long to find out what was actually happening.
The Cable You Didn’t Know Was There
There’s a nerve running from your brainstem all the way down to your gut.
It’s called the vagus nerve. Think of it like the main communications cable between your brain and your digestive system.
Except it’s not just sending messages about digestion. It’s also handling stress signals. Emotional regulation. Your entire nervous system’s response to whether the world feels safe or threatening.
About 80% of the signals on this nerve run from your gut UP to your brain. Not the other way around.
Your gut is sending constant updates to your brain about the state of things. And your brain is making decisions based on those signals, often without asking your permission first.
Here’s where it gets interesting.
When the Wire Gets Crossed
When you’re stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or running on fumes, that vagus nerve goes into what’s called “low vagal tone.”
It’s like the signal quality drops. The communication between your gut and brain gets fuzzy. Static on the line.
And when that happens? Your brain starts looking for quick fixes to regulate itself.
Food is a very quick fix.
Especially the kind that hits fast. Sugar, salt, fat. The stuff that lights up your reward system and temporarily drowns out the stress signal.
You’re not weak. You’re not broken.
Your nervous system is just doing exactly what it was designed to do. Trying to get you back to baseline using the tools it has available.
The problem is, those tools aren’t actually solving anything. They’re just masking the real issue.
The Lie Nobody Questioned
Diet culture told you this was about willpower. About wanting it bad enough. About having self-control.
That’s like telling someone with a bad phone connection to “just focus harder on hearing the other person.”
The problem isn’t focus. The problem is the signal.
When your vagus nerve is in low tone, when the wire between your gut and brain is sending garbled messages, you could have all the willpower in the world and it wouldn’t matter.
You can’t willpower your way out of a nervous system response.
I spent years trying. White-knuckling my way through cravings. Exhausting years.
Ever wonder why the cravings always hit hardest right when you’re most depleted? That’s not coincidence. That’s biology.
What Actually Works
Once I figured out this was a wiring issue and not a character issue, everything changed.
Instead of fighting that pull toward the pantry, I started asking: what’s the actual signal here?
Am I tired? Then I probably need rest, not food.
Am I stressed? Then I need to regulate my nervous system, not dump more cortisol on it with a binge.
Am I lonely, bored, frustrated, overwhelmed? None of those problems get solved by food.
Food is a terrible therapist. Always has been.
The real work was learning to improve that vagal tone. Strengthen the signal between gut and brain so my body could actually communicate what it needed. Not just scream for the fastest available Band-Aid.
Practical Stuff That Actually Helped
I’m not going to give you a numbered list like some productivity hack article. But here’s what shifted things for me:
Deep breathing. Sounds too simple to work. Works anyway. Slow exhales directly stimulate the vagus nerve and calm the whole system down. I started doing it when I felt that magnetic pull getting stronger. Hand reaching for the bag. Wrapper about to crinkle. Three minutes. Just breathe. The urge usually passed. I use a 4 second inhale, hold for 4, then exhale for 8 seconds. Works perfectly.
Cold exposure. Splashing cold water on your face. Cold shower. Even just holding an ice cube. Activates the vagus nerve almost immediately. Resets the signal. I know it sounds weird. But when you’re standing at the fridge for the fourth time feeling that cold air and knowing you’re not actually hungry. Try it. Just once when you’re in that moment.
Humming. Singing. Talking out loud. The vagus nerve runs through your vocal cords. Vibration stimulates it. Sometimes I’d just hum while the coffee brewed. Helped more than I expected. Especially during that 3 PM crash when the day feels like it’s been three days. I really like to sit down 5-10 minutes before bed and hum. Not to a tune. Just taking a deep breath and then humming in a low tone. When you get the tone right you can feel the vibrations through your whole head. Soothing!
Movement that isn’t punishment. Not “burn off the calories” exercise. Just moving because the body needs to move. Walking. Stretching. Anything that gets you out of your head and into your body. Breaks that loop between couch and pantry you’ve been pacing like a cage. For me, Qigong is a wonderful exercise that fills the body with energy (Qi, pronounced chee)
Social connection. Real conversation. Not scrolling. Not texting. Actual human contact. The nervous system regulates through co-regulation. Being around calm people makes you calmer. Being isolated makes everything harder.
None of this is about controlling food. It’s about giving your nervous system what it’s actually asking for.
The Software Update
Here’s the shift that mattered most:
I stopped treating that gap, between “I don’t want this” and eating it anyway, as a moral failing. Started treating it as information.
My body was trying to tell me something. The message was just getting scrambled on the way up.
When I learned to decode the actual signal, when I started asking “what do I actually need right now?” instead of “why am I so weak?”, the whole game changed.
The cravings didn’t disappear. They stopped running the show.
What would it feel like if you weren’t fighting yourself every evening? If that autopilot eating just... stopped being automatic?
I became the one deciding. Not the garbled signal from a nervous system running on fumes.
That’s the difference between being effect and being cause.
Who You Are Now
You’re not someone who lacks self-control.
You’re someone whose nervous system has been running on empty, sending scrambled signals, doing its best to keep you alive with the tools it has.
And now you know there’s a wire. A physical, biological communication system that can be strengthened, regulated, and repaired.
This isn’t about fixing yourself. You were never broken.
This is about updating the software. Improving the signal. Giving your body the kind of support it’s been asking for all along.
You’re not a victim to those moments anymore. When your hand reaches for food like it belongs to someone else. When you’re already chewing before the decision was made. When the wrapper’s crinkling and you’re not even sure why.
You’re someone who understands what’s actually happening and knows how to respond.
That’s who we are now.